Frontend Drupal developer with a penchant for arts & crafts. A floral geek some might say!

Hey, how are you?

I've been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease for a year now and although I'm mostly feeling much better I still have a few rough days and my fitness is really letting me down. I've been back and forth to doctors appointment, had cameras in places in you just don't want to think about and answered the most ickiest of questions but I've come to realise that there is one question I find really hard asking.

The hardest question I have to answer is "How are you?"

How do you really tell someone how you actually feel? It's rather 'British'[?] of us to simply reply with "Ok thanks" but actually feel like your entire world is falling apart around you and that your body is just not keeping up. How do you know which person to tell the truth to and which to just let the truth side with? Over all the rubbish I've been through in life my default response is to just say I'm ok, but I'm learning that things get easier when I tell people the truth.

Last week I was feeling really run down and out of it and it was also time for my fortnightly catch up with my line manager. I managed to say how I felt and just saying it made me instantly feel a little better. I'm still completely shattered and making myself stressed out because I can't seem to do all the things I want to do but I'm actually getting somewhere when it comes to thinking of me. There is room for a lot of improvement but if I'm not so hard on myself maybe, just maybe I'll get there.

I've learned to listen to people, not just what they are saying but also how they react to me and what they aren't saying and I think this had helped my friendships and relationships. I'd like to think that more people can spot these things and keep an eye out for me and others but I've also learned that in this world a lot of people have no time for others, which is sad but not my fault or in my control so I'm not going to get my knickers in a knot about it -- it's all about mindfullness, right?!

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